Red Flags in a Relationship – There are a lot of couples having serious issues in marriage today. These issues in my opinion should have been completely avoided, if either the lady or the guy had paid close attention to the red flags during their relationship.
There is hardly a toxic experience a couple will have in marriage that wasn’t noticed during dating or at the relationship level. The issue is that young people are deceived or distracted by sexual and material attachments. They are either ignorant of how to identify and handle these red flags or they purposely ignore these red flags because of “Attachments”.
It can be very common to feel attachment to someone after sex, since the brain releases oxytocin during intercourse, this oxytocin could sometimes give us a false feeling of romantic love or emotional experience, that we fail to realise when a relationship is threatened by certain unhealthy behaviour. Those unhealthy behaviours I refer to as red flags that should NOT be ignored.
During relationships and dating, I tell young people, your eyes should be open to see and observe characteristics in your partner that threaten a healthy relationship. Sex should be enjoyed in marriage after getting married to the right person and not during dating because this could blind your judgment. Money and material things are good. But you should not be blinded by them, that you ignore red flags and get yourself into a toxic marriage that you will regret the rest of your life.
In relationships, red flags are signs that the person you are involved with probably can’t have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous. Dr. Wendy Walsh
The term “red flag” in every other context, signifies a reason to stop. A good example is in motor sports, red flags are waved when the conditions are too dangerous to continue.
Again, young people ask me… are all red flags the same for every couple? Are all red flags a reason to walk away? Are they rare cases where a person can address the red flag and mend the relationship? I’ll try to answer all these in this publication.
Before I proceed let me state that red flags in a relationship might not be obvious. Depending on the individual, some will be very clear, while some will present itself more as a clue or a hint that there’s an underlying problem. Also, it can take some time for a red flag to present itself in a relationship.
Let me share some examples of red flags.
If your partner displays any of the following red flags, it’s time to have a conversation with yourself, and them, about the future of your relationship. While all scenarios are different and there’s always room for nuance, a red flag indicates a deep problem that the other person must address to have a healthy relationship with you, themselves, and anyone else.
- Alcoholism & Drug Addiction
Drinking daily or drinking until inebriation a few times a week can be a red flag for a drinking problem. Reliance on drugs to get through the day, the week, or through tough spots in life is also concerning. If alcohol or drugs are impacting your partner’s life in a negative way—be it their work, health, or relationships—that is a sign of addiction.
Similarly, if your partner relies on substances to get through the day, week, or a tough situation then that’s indicative of addiction and signifies they haven’t yet figured out how to cope without altering their mental state.
Lastly, if substance use ever leads your partner to harm you physically or emotionally, that is a clear sign to walk away.
- Violent Displays
Someone who demonstrates violence toward you, loved ones, strangers, and even animals is a serious red flag. It indicates they haven’t developed a healthy way to properly channel their emotions. In some cases, it could also be indicative they lack empathy for others.
- Persistent Jealousy & Distrust
Another common red flag is jealousy and distrust. Often, the red flag of a very insecure partner looks like attentiveness at the start of a relationship, but there’s an underlying control problem beneath all the attention. Later in the relationship, it’s easier to look back and reinterpret that constant attention or overboard generosity as desperate insecurity.”
- History of Infidelity
Relationships require trust to succeed. If your partner has a history of infidelity, it’s important to proceed with caution. Even if your partner has demonstrated change, you must ask yourself if you feel comfortable pursuing the relationship, knowing they have a history of cheating. Some people may not be bothered by this, but if you are, then recognise this factor will affect your ability to trust your partner completely.
- Controlling Nature
A partner who is controlling in any way likely has deep personal issues they must work on. Rethink your relationship if your partner tries to control who you see, who you talk to, where you go, how you spend your money, what you do online, what your body looks like, what you eat, or even what you wear.
- Stories of “Crazy Exes”
Talking about former relationships is common, especially when you’re first starting to date someone new. But please pay attention to the language your partner uses when discussing those they’ve dated in the past. This sort of perspective deflects any responsibility and demonstrates a lack of respect for the people they once cared for and loves.
If a potential mate describes their exes as crazy instead of taking 50% of the responsibility for any craziness that may have existed in past relationships, there’s a good chance you could become their next ‘crazy ex.
- No Friends
If your partner struggles to make and maintain relationships, then that could indicate you will also struggle to connect with them.
Try to understand why your partner has struggled to build connections with others. If you discover a deflection, no personal culpability, or lack of drive, then you will likely experience the same treatment in your relationship.
- They Give You All Their Time
This red flag can sometimes tie into the last one. When a partner doesn’t have other relationships, hobbies, or goals, that is a recipe for an unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship. When each party has its own sense of self, it can enrich your individual selves and your bond. If someone relies on you entirely and always for their sense of happiness and entertainment, that can lead to feelings of suffocation, resentment, and unhappiness.
- Lack of Emotional Intimacy
One of the best parts of being in a romantic relationship is connecting deeply and authentically with another person. For some, emotional intimacy is challenging but it should always be the goal. A partner who shows no interest in opening up and bonding is a death knell for a relationship. If that partner is willing to improve, it’s cool, if not, please kick the door.
- They don’t listen to you.
This is about those significant aspects of yourself that you share with your partner, like your interests, your traditions, and the people in your life who make you feel whole. Communication is key: If you feel like you’re not being seen or heard, You may need to ask your partner “Do you understand how important it is to me that you actually listen to me?” If that leads to improvement, great! If not remember that someone who isn’t willing to grow isn’t worth your time.
If this has blessed you, please share it on your social media handles. You might just be helping a friends relationship.
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