Let’s go back to the beginning, during creation, when God had made Man, The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
So, a lot of men now have this wrong mental picture of the woman was created to help take care of my needs as a man. Most men do not also know that women have needs, which men should endeavour to care for in marriage.
Most men also think, that once they have provided enough money to run the home for their wives, they have done it all. They think they have no other role to play as to helping their wives, spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, and so on.
This is a paraphrase of what Paul the Apostle said to the Corinthians “marriage is good, but that it brings with it a division of attention. Those who are married have a preoccupation with their spouse. Those who are unmarried are free to more fully “care about the things of the Lord”.
So, while “the married man cares about…how to please his wife” and “the married woman cares about…how to please her husband.”
This forces husbands to ask the question, “What does it look like to care about the needs of my wife?”
If you truly love your spouse. Here are ways that you can seek to please your wife:
- Lead her in worship.
Whether this occurs one-on-one or in the context of family worship, a godly husband will seek to “wash his wife with the water of the word” and to lead her “to the throne of grace” that they might together receive grace and mercy to help in time of need. A man who truly loves his wife will want to sing God’s praises with his wife and to encourage her with God’s word.
This is the most foundational way that a husband can love and serve his wife. Everything else in the marriage is secondary to this all-important calling. God has given a believing husband his wife so that he might shepherd her soul to glory.
- Show her affection.
It almost goes without saying that a loving husband will be affectionate with his wife. This certainly includes spending time alone with her. It may take the form of regular date nights away from the children. I usually find that it is one of the best things for our marriage when my wife and I are able to pull away from the busyness and cares of life to spend time together to foster our love for one another. Of course, it also means not withholding the sexual intimacy that is her God-given right. It should seem strange for us to find the Apostle Paul commanding husbands with the following admonition: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her. However, life in this selfish and fallen world necessitates such a command. A godly husband should commit to nurturing intimacy and affection with his wife.
- Provide for her.
A man who truly loves his wife will be a man who labours diligently to provide for his wife. The loving husband will be a hard-working husband. This doesn’t mean that he will make lots of money; but it does mean that his priority is to “provide for his own”. He will work as many jobs as might be necessary in order to provide for his wife. Being a provider is something to which a loving husband must be committed.
- Serve her in the home.
When it comes to service at home, a man must help his wife to be a suitable help to him. Yes! Your Wife enjoys it when you physically help her with chores at home.
Help take your kids to school, do the shopping, help do the laundry, help clean the dishes, help repair things in the home, help to clean the house, help take her car to get the oil changed, etc.
These are some of the very tangible ways that a husband can learn to love and serve his wife in the home.
- Carry her burdens.
One of the words to husbands regarding the way in which they are to love their wives is that they are to “dwell with them with understanding”. A loving husband will seek to be gentle toward his wife. A truly loving husband will seek to listen to his wife as she relays her burdens. He will be patient with her when she seems to be folding under the pressures of life. He will seek to understand why she is struggling even when he doesn’t have the same burdens.
- Praise her in public.
A loving husband will sing the praises of his wife in public. Avoid the temptation of rubbishing your wife in public. Most husbands will easily talk down on their wives in public, truly you won’t get the best out of her if you do that. Be deliberate about praising your wife. Take a pen and paper today, write out five (5) things you appreciate about your wife. And use them to praise her in public every opportunity you get.
- Be transparent with her.
I have never met a woman who didn’t long to have a husband she could trust. How could anyone in their right mind enjoy living with someone that they couldn’t trust? A godly husband will talk often and openly with his wife. He will be transparent with her about finances, activities, and struggles.
Surely, a measure of propriety and wisdom is needed when seeking to approach the issue of personal struggles with lust. As a rule, however, a man who wants to truly love and serve his wife will be a man who is open and honest with her. “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” This also applies to marriages.